Something Old, Something New

Recently we had the absolute pleasure, joy, privilege, [enter every other blissful synonym] to attend the wedding of my husband’s sister and new brother-in-law; which was truly the most beautiful wedding we’ve ever been to if I’m not laying it on thick enough. Not only was the weather gorgeous, everything went so smoothly -at least from the (buzzed & happy!) guest perspective, and every person there looked so beautiful! Happiness and joy were uncontainable, everyone truly loved this couple and wanted to be a part of such a wonderful experience. During the wedding mass, the celebrant noted that this day was made before they were born; that this was written for their story and we as the witnesses were watching one of God’s preordained works come to pass on Earth. I mean … WHEN YOU PUT IT LIKE THAT??? There were already no dry eyes in this house, I was only thinking to myself just don’t be Catherine or Eddy from Vegas Vacation and I’ll escape this wedding with my dignity. But that was such a moving moment and struck me that I even picked up on it all. I like to think I would have noticed something like that and felt so moved by it as well, but I’m not sure I would have. Whether it was because this was the wedding of the most wonderful, sweet couple this side of heaven or feeling closer to my faith than ever before while attending a wedding … it doesn’t matter and 10/10 recommend the experience. It’s not only that I want to root for this couple and probably lost a few readers after belaboring this point, but I promise I have more to talk about than just them (plot twist: not much)! But it’s that feeling and that realization kick in that our marriage, our covenant, our vocation is preordained and written ahead of our time. If we all treated each other, our marriages and vocations, like they were the final answer, back of the book sneak peek, you know who wins, spoiler alert- wouldn’t we all root so hard for each other? Wouldn’t we want to be the couple, the people we want to be rooted for? Sometimes I do, but I know how I get when I get on a health kick and then I have bags of rotten spinach to toss out a week later. But leaves were meant for turning beautiful shades of orange, red, yella and lots of other colors, so I can turn one too. Here’s where I’d work something in about something borrowed and something blue, but I don’t have anything yet so you all work on that and let me know what you come up with. 

One of the perks of being family of the bride, but not in the wedding, is that you get a front row seat with basically none of the work. I assume this is how the groomsmen feel all the time? No wonder they’re always hammered all weekend, I was flying around at level (and volume) ten by dinner time at the welcome party. The welcome to the weekend, the party hasn’t even started yet party. I WAS NOT WASTING ANY TIME, WE HAD PEOPLE TO CELEBRATE! Giving you all a taste of what the other guests had to endure, the caps would be shouting in real life which I can assure you- I was doing. To anyone I may have here, sorry for party rocking. Now- back to the fun! Attending this beautiful wedding allowed me to reflect on my own self, obviously. But in a real way, I was pleasantly surprised to feel so personally impacted by the readings, general intercessions, and homily. Hearing the words of encouragement, advice, expected challenges and hardships, sacrifices and shared joy for this new married couple offered me as a witness the framework of what to root for. During the dull spells or turbulent seasons, lean harder on God and one another, be willing to lay down your pride and turn the other cheek, show your husband or wife the grace we ask for from God. 

No one should be surprised to read- this is one of the cutest photos I've ever seen in my life and therefor MUST be shared with the masses. Please enjoy!

One of those challenges that some couples, ourselves included, may encounter is the complicated experience of trying to conceive. As husband and wife before God in the Catholic church, we vow to be open to life and agree to raise our children in the faith. Maybe I fell prey to the idea it couldn’t happen to me (read: I did), but when I didn’t immediately become pregnant on day 1 after stopping my birth control … I was pitifully confused and started the very long, harrowing journey of hairy, or secondary, infertility. I don’t really like the word INfertility although it’s in the name of the technical term, because that’s not exactly true as I have had the blessing of delivering two healthy little girls. But I’ve also experienced repeated early loss and medicated cycles in order to conceive, so I’ve been around the block but wouldn’t put myself in the same group as the women, families who experience the much harder pain of true infertility. We’re blessed to be part of a large homeschooling, faith works in real life Catholic community where the average kid count is around five- per family. I never would have thought I’d want more than two children, and when I recall discussing it with people, I’m pretty sure I said as much. “Two max sounds good and manageable to me”. Now I’m impatiently asking God “will be this cycle we get pregnant???” like a child asking if we’re there yet from the backseat. I hate to spoil it but I’m not pregnant at the time of this writing but don’t worry, my husband will be ladeling my body up off the floor after I’ve properly emotionally responded to the negative test I force myself to take. It’s hard to feel like you deserve something, even something good and for the goodness and glory of God, and not have the opportunity to realize that. Like the infinitely patient parent counseling the impetuous child, I hear Him on my heart telling me I don’t need to know every detail of the plan to listen to trust the teachings of my Father. Meaning, this hunger and longing would not be on my heart if there wasn’t a plan for that to be fulfilled. I don’t know how His will will be done, and I don’t need to in order to submit to it. 

Now, that doesn’t mean I’m not still pestering God to remind Him I’m still here and ready when He is to send us more babies. Blessed be the squeaky wheels, they are waiting to get the grease. But God isn’t bound by time the way we are here on earth as human beings. In fact, Jesus tells us in Matthew 6:25-34,

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat [or drink], or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important than they? Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span? Why are you anxious about clothes? Learn from the way the wild flowers grow. They do not work or spin. But I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was clothed like one of them. If God so clothes the grass of the field, which grows today and is thrown into the oven tomorrow, will he not much more provide for you, O you of little faith? So do not worry and say, ‘What are we to eat?’ or ‘What are we to drink?’ or ‘What are we to wear?’ All these things the pagans seek. Your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom [of God] and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides. Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil"

That is a longer verse than I would usually add, but I think it’s important to see it in its entirety. In the same way Jesus teaches us about tomorrow’s worry, I have to apply that to our openness to life. A girlfriend recently reminded me that to be open to life means simply that- being open to new life, supporting others who are currently bringing life into the world, encouraging others to do so or at least consider it, and helping to contribute to a society where Christ is at the center. Or at least try! Get to heaven or die trying- esteemed professor Fiftyus Centus. I’m making light of a very heavy, at least for me, topic that I struggle with often. It’s difficult to articulate feeling so blessed and sublimely happy with my two little girls but also yearning desperately to have more little girls or boys. And yet- deal with it, that’s exactly how it feels! But it is also a cherished part of my cross to bear, as I know the deep pain of loss but also the tremendous, indescribable joy of bringing two yowling sweet girls into the world. With scales like that, it makes it easy to tip in the direction of persistence, fierce advocacy for life, and seeing God’s will be done. All this to remind myself that God is not bound by time or my idea of what I want. He knows what I need, when I need it, how it will be done and what I will (hopefully) do with it. 

I’ve been blessed with the lesson of renewing my marriage vows, re-learning the meaning of commitment in good times and bad, sickness and health, richer or poorer, for as long as we’re living together on earth. A tale as old as time and a bunch of new age hooey (or, attraction to each other as told by Shallow Hal) is part of the story God preordained for us, and we’re getting the chance to grow together in our faith, grow closer in our marriage, grow stronger in our parenting, and grow in ways our Father calls us to. We’re building a community, or brood in hen-ese, of people to root for, pray for, learn (borrow???) from, and serve in the pursuit of goodness, truth, and kingdom come. 

With all that … who needs something blue?! Stick around, I will ramble long enough to find something :)