Q1 WRAP UP - THE PEPPER, THE PEA, ME & JOE C

We’ve made it to the end of Q1 in our new gigs ALIVE and kicking, mostly Rooney on the latter, which calls for a debrief! What are we up to, how shot are the nerves, what size is the waist … let’s dig in. Even as I write this, I have a very spicy pepper trying to type as well, so I appreciate everyone’s forgiveness on the typos and bits of mumbo jumbo 🙂 This is AUTHENTIC. What was I saying? 

Anywho sug, let’s talk about the transition from boss babe to head hen which has been rewarding, demanding, mildly peaceful and full of unexpected flare ups of doubt and difficulty. If you asked me ten years ago where I thought I’d be now, I probably would have said married with a child or two with a job somewhere in research - at least that is what I would have hoped for. I don’t think I’ve ever considered myself extremely career-driven or shooting to be the girlie Dolly was talking about in 9-5. Even though that one is a banger, I can’t say that I’m a lover of all things working in the office. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t love what I did over the past ten years, at least the mechanics of it. I’m sure some folks can relate, but the truth is I loved the nuts and bolts of my job(s) and wish I could have done just those parts forever - if it weren’t for the other people around I had to deal with most of the time. I spent about 10% of the time doing my actual job and the other time, as they say, putting out fires and meeting about more meetings with different stakeholders. What does that even mean? One of my favorite things is using corporate lingo, because people never fail to make up new ways to say ‘I don’t know’. Until I get my arms around that, let’s put a pin in this and close the loop at the next meeting. 

While my critical thinking skills have taken a gap year, because the hardest questions I get now sound like ‘what’s that mama???’ and the answer is usually something on a part of my body or a pepper in my tooth, more time to simply think has been an unintended benefit of my new job. I can reflect on my goings on of the day, family affairs, what our plans for meals and budgeting for the next few weeks or months without the constant (triggering) PING! of my Teams chat or telephone ringing. I could say it’s absolutely true that my new job of stay at home mom is easier on the whole than having my full-time corporate job, but I think that’s misleading and you lucky lot get to hear my theories on why. In my case, the two words ~working mom~ could not coexist because one of them always outpaced the other and I wish I could say it was the mom part. Realistically, I was working about 50 hours a week and splitting the rest of the time trying to manage my family and household and the other half thinking about managing my family household. That’s the thing about anxiety, it’s not always Mr. Spears from Grease 2 but rather a paralyzing dread of no exits coming up and too far from the last one to turn around. No matter where I was on the road, I couldn’t get to the next exit fast enough and turning around felt just as daunting if not foolish. That doesn’t mean I didn’t have some great stretches or exciting places to pass by, which I think I can only appreciate now after resetting my pace. 

Thanks to the tools that helped my mind work, I could tunnel vision and focus just on work and outsource to some extent the management of house and family. Diaper rash? Wretched daycare, fine I’ll just hire a nanny. House is in shambles? Cleaners come on Wednesday. Laundry forming a union? Suds N Stuff comes on Thursday. Mrs. Flax finger foods and condiments in the fridge? DoorDash, UberEats, Walmart+ … you get the idea, we did them all (a lot). I have a husband around here somewhere? Hopefully the girls sleep in tomorrow or maybe we’ll be able to pawn one off on the grandparents this weekend. No matter how busy we were, a modern convenience was there for me to take advantage of because I’d finally reached the tax bracket to use them! I miss them and maybe they’ll come back to me like the true love birds people are always saying to set free. But I found that giving those things up takes a lot more courage rather than strength, because that means the buck stops with me. I have no one to pawn (read: pay) these things off on when life gets in the way, which it still does even without the extracurriculars of work and after-/school obligations. The difference is that now that the road has been cleared of the construction, accidents, high speed chases, noise .. noise … NOISE!!! I can hit the cruise control at a respectable 10 mph over and keep my eye out for an exit when it’s time. Keeping up with the laundry, 10 minute dishes, care and keeping of girls, and cooking, just to name a few standard daily duties, is not any less demanding or never ending than it ever was before. Having the time and more peaceful mindscape makes the tasks themselves not only less daunting, dare I say even enjoyable. But that doesn’t mean I don’t still have my moments and Joe has to pull out the water barrel. 

Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba - footage from last week.

Getting used to this lifestyle meant I had to embrace the monotony, mundane and honestly dull duties that come with staying at home. It’s hard to go from 100 to 0, even with useless meetings and (fake) five alarm fires, there were always metrics or deadlines that gave my day (and life) some structure, something to work towards and set my schedule around. To be in complete airport mode with no due dates, obligations, even less adult interaction than a remote job with no travel had … is a huge opportunity for good or for evil MWAHA. No one is going to be hounding me for a late TPS report or incentivizing me to change out of our matching family pajamas on day two of wearing them. It’s true that the haps are simpler, but that doesn’t always mean easier. Sometimes it takes that second day of PJs for me to get my shit together, Carol and that’s been the best tangible example of God’s grace I can share. “I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit, because without me you can do nothing” (John 15:5). 

I don’t always have the warm or even neutral embrace of these domestic duties and sometimes it’s the last thing I want to do (and is!). But I know that my mind and children function their best on a routine, something that grounds us and gives us a known set of expectations for the day ahead. I can’t rely on school and work as the building blocks of life anymore, which were easy to build routines around and required very little energy from me outside of small pockets of time to perform whatever prescribed activity fell within that window - getting dressed, brushing teeth, dropping off/picking up, starting/finishing work, making meals and if I was lucky a run somewhere in the middle. Now that I am the sole director of this soap opera, we have nothing BUT time and even that can be a problem, albeit good and better than the alternative, to have. I don’t have our routine perfected yet and there are still many days that end worse for the wear than they started. But I have a lot more hours and a lot more days that start with the Mamma Mia soundtrack and end with a 4 year old version of the Lord’s prayer, a mostly clean home with laundry union dues completely settled for a steal. Me- I am the steal. Still, I have to trust the Lord everyday and know when to ask for help, grace, the strength or energy to get through the next few hours or whatever task is most overdue. Rather than trying to outrun the life that was trying to eat me alive, I’m running at a pace proportional to my abilities and hopefully building -while teaching- some healthy habits. 

Like the committed and dedicated Washington sports fans most of you are, I’m also not used to a full four quarter performance and every fumble has a bated breath response. Our family franchise to date has been a dual working parent household with children in/starting school and regularly scheduled domestic services to keep up with the everyday necessities of life. It has taken a lot of trust, courage, a dash of doubt and never enough grace to make the change from the comforts and security of what we know into the vocation God is calling us to now. Especially when the calls of confusion, frustration and ultimately fear are coming from inside the house, so to speak. As with any new job or endeavor, it takes time and faith to see whether you’re keeping up with the work or the practice you’re putting in is paying off, which has been the hardest challenge for me. There is no report card, rubric, or supervisor (unless you count Maeve, sometimes I should) that is grading or guiding me on this role. And yet, while everyday is not a scene from the Sound of Music but more like the first 30 minutes of Baby Boom, there is a settled base in my belly that I’ve never felt before. “In the same way, the Spirit too comes to the aid of our weakness: for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but the Spirit itself intercedes with inexpressible groanings. And the one who searches hearts knows what is the intention of the Spirit, because it intercedes for the holy ones according to God’s will” (Romans 8:25-26). God has taken us down this path for a reason and I have to trust that He will send the gifts, tools and grace I need for what’s ahead. Now that I’m running at the pace I was made for, I can greet race days with courage and sure strength with God waiting to high five me at the finish line. With a little rusteeze and an insane amount of luck (grace), we too can bring some glory back to DC. KA-CHOW!

Until next week, the rest is His & Henstory.